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Review: Borderlands

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If you read my previous article about Borderlands you’d know that I was really looking forward to this game, and unfortunetly it doesn’t fail to disappoint.

There are four characters to try your hand at, Roland, Mordecai, Lilith and Brick, each character has a different action skill, a temperary power up. I’ll explain each one in more detail.

Roland is the soldier class, he is good with shotguns and assault rifles. His action skill gives him a turret that comes with a small energy shield.
Brick is the heavy class, he’s good with explosive weapons. His action skill makes him move faster, take less damage and deal more, called Beserker.
Lilith is the special class, she is good with weapons that fire incendiary, corrosive and shock bullets. Her action skill, called Phase Walking, allows her to turn invisible and appear next to the enemy, dealing damage when she does.
Finally Mordecai is the sniper, he’s good with, believe it or not, snipers and revolvers. His action skill calls a hawk to attack enemys behind cover.
Where I say the character is good with a weapon it’s all subject to change, all you do is find the type of weapon you want and use it alot to get good at it, for example my soldier is level 2 proficiency with a sniper. And under each character there are three skill trees, my soldier is also a medic, when I shoot team mates I heal them and my turret heals people standing near it, including me. But I could of easily become more on the offence and made my turret do more damage, it’s another level of customization.

Roland's skill tree

Roland's skill tree

Talking about guns… Borderlands boasts “8 gazillion guns,” their words not mine. Although this seems like a hard task for the developers to do, they don’t have too. What the game does is randomly generate guns on the fly, and you end up with a gun with some added extras. For some reason my computer decided to give me a shotgun with a scope, not sure how it helps. But what you could end up with is a sniper with +53% critical damage, or a light machine gun with -34% reload speed. Guns can also make bullets; set people on fire, electrocute them, put acid on them or explode.

Which leads me onto my next part, e-penis envy. My sniper sets people on fire when I shoot them, reloads in about 3 seconds, carrys 11 shots per clip and most importently, is yellow. I’m highly proud of this sniper and often find myself thinking about it at school and around my house (sad I know).
On the rare occasion I go online, I start stealing glances at other peoples guns and off-handly complimenting them hoping they’ll notice my yellow sniper (which has a matching assault rifle I should add). But because the stats are randomized then fine tuned, the chances of me getting the same gun as that level 26 who’s gun fires rockets in a shotgun spread, then sets the enemys on fire, is next to none, I have to keep reassuring myself that my penis I mean gun, is fine.

Yes, this is my yellow penis

Yes, this is my yellow penis

Of course with any game, story is a factor in how good the game is, and this is the only place Borderlands is let down, it’s about an adventurer (you) who goes to Pandora, (the planet where the game is set,) to find “The Vault.” A fabled place containing objects of great wealth. Not exactly gripping is it? But let’s be honest, when you’ve got a shotgun that electrocutes people, do you really care?

Another thing to add is the look, it is very cartoony, and looks brillient, even on my low-spec computer, all people or creatures are outlined in black giving them a bold look. Overall no complaints what so ever in the visual department.

The humor is this game is also top-notch, weather it’s Gearbox’s info about Nine-Toes (he also has three balls,) Claptrap’s (your robot helper) cries of “Look at me! I’m dancing, I’m dancing!” The signs outside enemy bases reading “Piss off” or just Scooter who’s friend Lucky “Wrecked my mum’s lady parts.” There have been several times I laughed out loud.

The health and safety inspector would have a fit

The health and safety inspector would have a fit

When you get a little way into the game you unlock a car to play around with, this is hard to drive at first, the car drives towards where your mouse is pointing, but soon becomes easy, you’ll be jumping ‘Piss Gorge’ in no time. There is two weapons to have, rocket launcher and machine gun. But most fun is the fact that these cars can be used in multiplayer, on person driving with another in the turret on top. Those skags don’t stand a chance.

This guy was shouting "I'm going to kill you!" He's a bit confused

This guy was shouting "I'm going to kill you!" He's a bit confused

The final bit I want to talk about is the multiplayer, where four people can team up to tackle the quests, this is good if everyone is a similar level, because otherwise it gets to hard for the lower level as enemys increase in difficulty the more players there are, but with a good team of similar levels it really is enjoyable, although I personly prefer to plough through it alone.

Overall I think Borderlands is a extremely good game, which is why I’m giving it 4.8/5

Heres a crappy video, the game normally runs faster but Fraps lags it:

Borderlands #1

Review: Batman: Arkham Asylum

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After hearing many wonderful things about this game I decided a purchase was in order, I got it on PS3 (of course) due to the fact that you get to play as the Joker.

The story line is that Batman captures the Joker, takes him to Arkham, Joker escapes takes over Arkham, carnage ensuses.

Visually this is a lovely looking game, adequately dark and dismal, but where this game really shines is gameplay.

[No Spoilers] There are two types of combat straight up fighting and, my personal favourite, stealth. In regular fighting you punch and kick goons like there’s no tommorrow, if a whitish blue halo appears around a goons head, it means they’re about to attack you, a quick press of triangle, or Y, counters that attack and straight away hits back with an attack of your own, normally a kick to the groin, elbow to the head or something just as painful. Of course you have your regular attacks, with square or X, these are quite weak on their own but once you get good you can start chaining combos together and jump from goon to goon. Not only is this style of fighting fun to play it’s also fun to watch, my little sister, after seeing me kick some guy in the head, winced then said “wouldn’t it be cool if you could kick their heads off?” it’s unusual for her to actully enjoy watch me play, seeing as she doesn’t like playing games *mock horror*. The other type of combat is the stealthy type. What you do here is there’s a large room where you have to take down a certain amount of enemies without being seen, when I say you without being seen, it isn’t an straight away game over if they do, but you quickly get killed because they have guns, which seem to be loaded with Batman’s personal equivelant of cryptonite, so you don’t last long. You spend most of your time up on gargoles which are in most of these rooms, the first few times you do these is easy, kill-grapple-kill-grapple etc but later in the game [Minor Spoiler] explosives are rigged to the gargoyles so you can only stay on them for a second or two, this makes it a lot harder because there isn’t many other places to hide on the floor. There are several moves that Batman can perform such as inverted takedowns, where he string goons to the gargoyles, and silent takedowns.

Another major part of the game are the boss battles. [Minor Spoilers] Only a few are the tried and tested formula ‘dodge attacks then attack weak point for maximum damage’. For example [Major Spoiler] Killer Croc’s boss battle involves no direct contact, instead you creep along a board walk as slowly as possible, most of these battles are fun, and I haven’t come across a tedious one yet.

[Minor Spoiler] One of the last things in B: AA is the Riddler challenges, challenges set by believe it or not, the Riddler. There are three types of challenge given.
1. Riddler Trophys, these are just little trophys hidden everywhere across Arkham Island.
2. Question marks, all these are are question marks that are only revealed when you go in detective mode, the dot may be hidden in the background so you have to line them up the dot and the line and take a picture.
3. Riddles, these are just a straight up riddle with the answer around you. For example, [Minor Spoiler] one of the riddles is something along the lines of “Don’t forget to pay your respects to your parents”, so what you’ve got to do is find a little sign in memory of Batmans parents.

Seeing as I have listed a few of pros I’ll list a couple of cons. When you’ve got a straight up brawl none of the enemies seem to die soon, you’ll kick them in the head but you’ll only daze them and they’ll soon be up again, when you are fight 6 people or more it soon takes a long time to defeat all the enemies. Also the games ‘detective mode’ (where you can see special objects in the enviroment, or enemies skeletons no matter how many objects are in the way) means that you aren’t really suprised by any attacks, or you don’t miss any collectible objects that are on your main path.

Apart from these minor things and a couple of others there are no other problems, this is why I am giving this game a 9 out of 10 and a Joe thumbs up.

Minecraft Review

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Recently I have been spending a hell of a lot of time on a small indie game called “Minecraft”.
What it is is a world created completley out of different types of blocks, you’ve got sand blocks, soil blocks, water blocks, glass blocks etc etc. These blocks can be deleted and replaced with a different block, so on Singleplayer you make generic houses and dungeons.
But it’s on Multiplayer this game really shines, with several people working on a project you end up with things like inverted glass piramids or massive stone castles, some of these things have to be seen to be believed.
This may sound perfect but it’s not, like every game online you get a bunch of douch bag’s, here called “Griefers”. What these people do is go along and take chunks out of your buildings/monuments/whatever, so you may leave behind a massive tower and come back the next day to find it gone, of course this doesn’t happen on Singleplayer but it’s much more fun and easier to build something with friends.
The only other problem (although temporary) with it is that the forums have been down for a while so I can’t ask if I have a problem. EDIT: This has now been fixed.

Minecraft is free to play, so that’s an instant recomend from me, but if you want to change the look of your charecter the game costs 10€, £8.85 or $14.60, I’ve brought it and there’s nothing to regret from such a small amount of money (my name on it is AstroNit by the way).
It’s only in it’s Alpha stage at the moment but when it’s been released the price will raise to 20€ so it’s best to buy it ASAP.

Minecraft can be found and played at http://minecraft.net.

It’s also worth checking out the YouTube videos on it just to see what can be made.

(The reason the screenshots are bad is because they were taken off YouTube videos on my iPod.)

I have also set up a server of my own, imaginatively named “Astro’s Server”, in case you are confused about what a server is it’s a world where I am the supreme master and I have complete control over everyone :) I can ban, kick etc etc, if you are a minecraft player and want to be an admin on this server, comment with your name. (EDIT: Ok I thought it was working, but I’ve got to set it up again)

Overall I rate this game 9/10.

Mi-Fi on Three

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Today the Mi-Fi was released nation wide across 3 stores. Three is the first company to released the mobile wireless router technology in the UK after the Novatel Mi-Fi has been a hit with mobile internet users in the USA The Mi-Fi or Mobile Wi-Fi is a device that lets you connect devices like a iPod Touch or a laptop to the internet without a USB port. It works by tacking in Three’s 3g or HSPDA (High-Speed Downlink Packet Access) network signal and transmitting it as a wireless internet in the form of Wi-Fi.

The benefit of having a Mi-Fi over a USB dongle is that you can connect devices that don’t have USB ports like netbooks, iPod Touch and PSP. Also you can connect 5 devices at the same time and you can keep it in your bag and not have to plug something in to your computer. The benefit of having a USB dongle over a M-Fi is firstly it is cheaper than a USB dongle, they normaly cost around £9.99 the MiFi is £70. Secondly there is more potential to go wrong with wireless people can hack it or if dropped it will break more easily than a more robust dongle. Third and finally dongles are sold by all providers when the Mifi is only on three and believe me that is not my first choice when it comes to phone couriers.

Today I can proudly boast I brought the third Mi-Fi ever sold in the UK and also I can proudly boast even though I can engross myself in the RSS and XML of setting up a podcast I can’t turn the damn thing on and connect it (it doesn’t help when you get two sets of instructions one telling you to put the sim in and charge it for 12 hours and one telling you to leave the sim out and then charge it.) Tomorrow i will post an article on it including connection speeds ease of use and network coverage but first I have the joy of speaking to Three customer support (waiting Two hours for someone in an Indian call centre with a crap microphone so I can’t understand him calling me Mrs Meyer (Thats because of your high pitched voice — Joe) giving me no advice just asking me to buy more stuff)

FireFox or FireF**ker?

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FireFox 3.5.0, the worldwide favorite web browser known for it’s speed, safety and compatibility is having some issues for people running Windows Vista!
Whenever you open FireFox it just freezes and goes to the “Not Responding” status, there is no bug fix currently I’m not even sure if Mozilla knows about this bug!
I’ll update you more about the current issue when I find any fixes or advice etc.

Lame Joke:

Firefox, Opera and Internet Explorer are walking along a street, when they see a beggar who asks them “can you spare something for an old man?”.

So Firefox takes an add-on and gives it to the man. Upon which Opera looks at Firefox saying “I can’t believe you are giving away something that’s so important to you!”, “Don’t worry”, says Firefox, “I have so many of those!”.

Then Opera turns to the man and gives him one of his features. Upon which Firefox looks at Opera and says “I can’t believe you are giving away something that’s so important to you!”, “Don’t worry” says Opera, “I have so many of those!”.

Now of course Internet Explorer doesn’t want to be left out, so he turns to the man and gives him a virus. Upon which Firefox and Opera look at Internet Explorer in stunned silence! Internet Explorer looks back at them in surprise and says “Don’t worry, I have so many of those!”

Microsoft releases: eRace 1.0 Photo Editor!

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Microsoft's Original Image (US Site)Microsoft's Edited Image (Polish Site)

NO racism is meant by this post, it is for humor purposes only

The story you’re about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on television.

Microsoft has apologized for changing the race of a person shown on one of its European Web sites, after a beta test went severely awry.

As reported by major news channels a photograph on Microsoft’s US marketing site titled “Empower your people,” depicted an Asian man, a black man, and a white woman. In the same photograph on the site of Microsoft’s Polish subsidiary, however, the black man’s head was lobbed off and replaced with a white man’s, though his hand remained black.

Microsoft quickly removed the altered photo, which was widely attributed to faulty use of PhotoShop. However, The TechPod has learned that the mistake was in fact caused by a new Microsoft product, still in beta.

An Eastern European tester of Microsoft eRace 1.0 inadvertently posted the offending photograph to the Polish site, sources close to the Redmond company have confirmed.

Codenamed “Pie” in honor of pie everywhere, eRace makes it easy to swap a photo subject’s ethnicity from Asian, Black, or Hispanic to Caucasian with just a few clicks of the mouse.

For example: Load this photograph of six extremely white people into eRace.
Before
Choose the African ethnicity filter, and whola – an instant makeover.
After
Microsoft apologized for its insensitivity in unveiling the racial conversion software while it was still buggy. The company also vowed to immediately begin hiring more black people, if it ever ran into any in the greater Seattle area.

Borderlands Makes My Trousers Tight

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If you haven’t heard of Borderlands, where the hell have you been?
It pretty much is a free roaming game with up to four player online co-op, did I mention it has more than a million frigging guns? Granted, some are similar anesthetics, but that’s still a gun for every occasion.
There’s four generic charecters you can play as, the sniper, the meele, the soldier and the spy/mage, all these classes can be improved by buying skills from each individual skill tree, so you can make the soldier able to heal your team mates by shooting them, or give him extra damage etc etc.
All in all this looks like a quality game that I look forward to getting a chance to play, me and John are planning to get it.
So if you are going to get this game, tell me and we’ll arrange to play together when it finaly comes out

Prepare for Windows 7, Are you Taking the Plunge?

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Windows 7 Product BoxesAs you probably already know, the new release of Microsoft® Windows® 7, the latest operating system from the company is due for release on the 22nd of October 2009. But what can we hope for in this new release? Faster speeds, improved GUI, the latest technology in software? Well, yes, all of it!

In the new release you can expect a much improved task bar with effective full screen previews of running software. The icons are now larger on the task bar for ease of access and simplicity(I’d prefer the icons to stay the size they are now in vista!).

Another handy feature brought in to change the GUI and style of the desktop is transparent application and file windows. This allows you to hide any open software or windows simply by dragging your mouse to the bottom right hand corner of the desktop. Sound familiar? We saw this feature on the Apple® Mac OS a while back. It seems that windows have followed suit and added this handy feature. Other improvements on Windows® 7 include an improved search, jump lists for an easier way to access recently opened files, faster and improved internet browsing and better device management.
by tecy.co.uk

Some criticism from eSarcasm on the 20 hour install time:

Want to upgrade your system to Windows 7? No problem — just clear out a full day in your schedule, and you’ll be all set.

The Vista-to-Windows 7 upgrade could take up to 20 hours to complete, Microsoft confirms. That’d be a whopping 1200 times of intercoursing, assuming you’re a man-of-the-minute variety. (Just trying to give some perspective for our stamina-challenged friends.)

So what in the hell could an operating system be doing for that long? Microsoft claims the nearly day-long delay is a result of users having “an enormous data set and a large number of installed applications.” We don’t buy it, though; we think there has to be a better explanation.

Here are six theories.

1. Market research.

That’s how long it takes for the system to figure out why the hell you were using Vista in the first place.

2. Browser battles.

The scary upgrade time might convince you to do a clean install, thereby increasing the odds of your getting lazy and leaving Internet Explorer as the default browser. How else is Microsoft supposed to get people to use IE?

3. Clippy did the coding.

Microsoft’s annoying “virtual assistant” wasn’t canned; he was just moved to the Windows 7 coding department. Unfortunately, that little shit is as bad at programming as he was at “assisting” you with Office.

4. Racial customization.

Using its new super-high-tech eRace 1.0 software, Windows 7 searches your hard drive for clues about your ethnicity and then customizes your new interface accordingly. Hey, it seemed to go over well in that ad campaign last month — why not apply it to an entire OS?

5. The Bing bribe.

Nothing’s actually happening during the delay; in fact, an on-screen dialogue box will offer you the option to cut your install time by 19 hours — if you agree to sign a legally binding agreement to use Bing as your exclusive search engine. (Oh, come on…it’s not that much of a stretch.)

6. Verifying which of the 10,532 upgrade packages you purchased.

The software has to verify which Windows 7 package you purchased — you know, the $49.99 Windows 7 Home Premium package that was available from June 26 to July 11; the $99.99 Windows 7 Professional edition available from June 26 to July 11; the $119.99 Windows Home Premium sold after July 11; the $219.99 Windows 7 Ultimate package; or the Windows 7 Upgrade Option given to people who purchased new Vista PCs between June 26 and January 2010.

That’s a lot of dumb shit to check. It takes a while.

Extract above taken from eSarcasm – Geek Humor Gone Wild
Image above courtesy of maximumpc.com

Why I Hate Loading Screens

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I don’t mind the screen itself, I just don’t like how it interrupts the flow of the game.
I have recently started playing Oblivion again and have entered the Assasins guild intent on getting to the top,
and [MINOR SPOILER ALERT!] one of the missions you have to sneak into a castle and poison a warlord and
not allow his team of mecenarys see you, brillient. My hearts started to race when an enemy passed inches away
from me and I remained undetected, I got to the cabinet, replaced the medicine with the poison and stole away again, my heart was still racing when I delivered a single arrow to someones head, killed her in one shot, and left.
But instantly I go to a loading screen, my heart stops pumping and I lose the feeling of excitement.
You see, I play video games to feel like I’m in another world, to escape real life,
but when I get to a loading screen the
spell is instantly broken and I’m hurled back into real life.If that loading screen
hadn’t of appeared I would of ran off, got on my horse and rode away, all the while feeling
like a assassin.
Please developers, I don’t want higher frame rates, photorealistic graphics or anything like
that,I just want a game that draws you in, makes you feel like you’re someone else, and then doesn’t ruin it with loading screens.

What do you think?